Messes

What is it about weekends that I can really relax into whatever it is I'm doing and not worry about time or To-Dos? After all, I'm not at a paying job, not having to clock in anywhere or fill any quotas during the week. Maybe it's some Protestant-work-ethic, go-out-and-make-something-of-yourself American socialization.

Whatever the reason, the best part is that I can enjoy myself with Felix and Dan on weekends. Especially one like today, clear and sunny at long last. Today's sunshine has an effect like childbirth: the agony of cold, rainy weeks vanishes at the sight of the first warm, clear day.

This past week I felt irritable and impatient with Felix, even after I had time to myself while he'd spent hours at his grandparents' or at preschool during the day. He has fits of whining for candy, where I try to sympathize while telling him "not today," but after listening to his broken-record "lollipop...lollipop" or "gumdrops...gumdrops" a few hundred times, it's like the opposite of hearing a soothing chant: I finally yell, "STOP! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR WHINING!" I try to balance my tone of voice between This Is Your Last Chance authority and I Am Not Mad At You. Whenever I get abrupt with him, he bursts into tears, which I think is partly manipulation and partly that his feelings really do get hurt, which induces instant guilt in me.

But today is Saturday. Because it's Saturday, I happily indulged his wish to make banana bread, for probably the third time this month, even though it's a mess of an undertaking. In earlier bake-offs, he liked to whisk the flour mixture, crack the eggs, turn the mixer on and off. Today he reached Jamie-Oliver-like accomplishments: he held the measuring spoons while I poured salt and baking soda into them; and he cracked the eggshells AND dropped the eggs into the bowl. He shouted with glee at his egg-cracking feat, especially when I exclaimed that he hadn't let any shell fragments get into the bowl.

Of course there are the gooey bowls and spoons and mixing blade to wash. There are the counters to clean, especially where Felix insisted on using "the big spoon"--the tablespoon--to scoop baking powder. I got a bowl out for him to scoop and dump all the baking powder he wanted instead of wrecking the banana bread with an overdose of baking powder. Of course he got a lot of baking powder on the counter, and left an extra bowl for me to wash.

But the sun is out. The clouds have finally buzzed off. That means today is for making a banana bread mess, especially the batter on the face from licking the mixing blade. Today is for getting covered with sand while making "cakes" in the sandbox. Today is for muddy hands and knees from digging for worms. I couldn't ask for a better day.